On the Couch
by Kitsune's Dark Shadow
Summary: The couch was prabably one of the worst punishments in a relationship which could drive any person into a puddle of selfpity. That was why no one did anything to piss off their lover. Kakashi finds himself with 3 months of the cruel punishment. Kakairu
1. Kakashi's Depression

**A/N: **This is going to be my first Kakairu fic that I've ever posted. This just popped into my head one day when I was at a restaurant and fantasizing Kakairu moments.

This Kakairu moment features the depressing part of a relationship.

Enjoy.

On the Couch  
_Chapter 1: Kakashi's Depression  
_  
It was self explanatory that when someone with a well known relationship was wallowing in a random bar or looking depressed, it only meant one thing. (There were several other reasons, but this was the most accurate.)

The poor sap had done something BAD. (The caps were intentional.) Something so BAD, that the certain person was denied the one thing they so loved.

Some heavenly lovin' from their lovers.

Such denied lovin' would almost always drive ninjas to wallow in self pity… or to a higher point of insanity. (All ninjas were insane; was a well known and unspoken fact.)

So, that was exactly what Genma and Raido realized when they found a fellow jounin moping in a bar looking like a puppy who had his favorite chew toy taken away.

Genma and Raido both came to the same conclusion and sat down on either side of the downcast man.

"Kakashi, what did you do this time?" Genma asked to the point.

Now, a genius like Hatake Kakashi would've just shrugged nonchalantly, ignored them, and 'hn'-ed like any other composed genius. Unfortunately, this genius was both sex-deprived and Iruka-deprived, which led to a depressed and inane Hatake Kakashi.

"Nothin'" Kakashi mumbled.

Raido rolled his eyes. "Come on Hatake, Ruka's always been easy to forgive. What did you do to piss him off so much?"

Kakashi just took another jug at his sake and sighed glumly. "I… I did something bad." He sagged in his seat.

"Well, that's kinda obvious. You look 'in need'." Genma said flatly, his senbon twitching as he sipped his own sake he had ordered.

"No, I mean I did something BAD." Kakashi emphasized the last word slowly with no small amount of dread.

Genma and Raido both raised an eyebrow. So, that meant he was on 'it' then.

"Okay… How long have you been on the couch?" Genma asked. If the jounin was _this _depressed, then something BAD truly must've happened.

"…Two weeks." Here, Kakashi seemed to want to drown in his seat. "And… and I got 10 weeks to go."

Raido choked on his drink. "W-What?!" Even he never had the heart to leave his Genma on the couch for _that _long!

"What did you DO?!" Genma had paled. If he _ever_ got to be on the couch that long… He inwardly shuddered.

Kakashi stared at the bottle in his hand with misery, before dropping his head on the counter. "I…I didn't mean to!" He sobbed miserably. 14 days of frustration and depression started to pour out of him.

"What did you do?!"

"I didn't even plan for this to happen!"

"What did you do?!

"I don't want Iru-koi angry with me!"

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO, KAKASHI?!" Genma and Raido yelled incredulously. They quieted down when the bartender gave them glares at their loudness. "We promise we won't tell anyone."

The silver haired jounin gave considered them for a second before swallowing thickly. He motioned the two to lean in and spoke quietly so that no one could overhear.

Once he finished his explanation, Raido had a disapproving expression on his face.

"Kakashi… how could you?" Raido said disappointedly.

Genma, on the other hand, looked gob smacked. "You…he…in _it_?"

Kakashi nodded grimly, despite the pink tinge beneath his mask. "Hai…"

The honey haired ninja looked at him oddly, before he broke out in laughter, nearly swallowing his senbon. Raido's mouth twitched before he too started chuckling.

Kakashi glared. "I'm so happy you find amusement in my misery." Sarcasm laced his words.

Genma wiped an imaginary tear away. "'Misery'? I'd think it would be a good thing in a way for you, Kakashi."

The said ninja deflated. "It would've been if Ruka hadn't found out."

"10 more weeks…" Raido murmured. He wondered how the silver haired jounin had survived the first two weeks. The school teacher was life support for Kakashi.

Kakashi sighed. No sex and livin' from his dolphin would kill him!

Genma sat straighter when an idea hit him. Feeling strangely confident and godly, Genma placed a hand on Kakashi's slumped shoulders. "Kakashi, do you want to spend more time on the couch?"

Raido looked at his lover confusedly. _What is he thinking? _

"No." Kakashi replied. He flinched at the word 'couch'.

"Do you want to be having intimacy with your hand on a daily bases?"

The silver haired ninja looked at his hand then back to Genma. "No."

Genma was really getting into it. "Do you want to have no lovin' from your uke for the next 10 weeks?"

"I said, no!" Kakashi said, irritated.

"Then, with my help, you could be back with Ruka-chan sooner than ever!"

Kakashi looked at the senbon sucking ninja with something a kin to hope in his eye. "Really?"

"Yep." Genma assured proudly. "I've got a plan."

And so begins, On the Couch.

* * *

Tbc. 

I actually planned to make this a long one shot or a drabble. So, should I continue this?

Review please.

Kds.


	2. A Plotting We Will Go

**A/N: **Well, I'm glad that this fic is moving somewhere.

Currently, I have been reading some old Kakairu fics that haven't gotten updated in at most two years, and well, I feel sad those aren't updating. (including my own.) Most of them are really good, like Painter's Block, and Of Sea and Land, and Secret Lives and other fics that are in my Kakairu Community. (Which those fics I do not own.) Please! Writers of those brilliant fics! UPDATE!!! (Isn't that all of us want to say to the fics we love?) Wait, I'm being hypocritical, aren't I?

P.S, I am sorry that I have not updated in a while. –bows low in apology- I've been working on some other fics and some school work that have left me pretty much swamped. So, without further a due, I bring you, Chapter 2 of On the Couch.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto.

On the Couch  
_Chapter 2: A Plotting We Will Go _

Genma knew he wasn't a genius. He didn't have a famous bloodline like the Uchihas and the Hyuugas. He hadn't graduated from the Konoha Academy at a young age like Kakashi had. Hell, he wasn't even well known in other lands and wanted in the bingo book as, 'Aim to Kill.' with thousands of money on his head like the famous Copy Nin was. His lack of genius-ness was a fact he didn't care about nor wanted.

So, Genma was happy to be where he was, a non-genius yet deadly nin of Konoha.

Yet, the senbon sucking man could help but think his plan was absolutely _genius. _

"I don't think that's gonna work on 'Ruka, Genma." Raido, twirling a kunai in his hand from a tree branch, said flatly as he listened to Genma tell his plan to Kakashi, and to their newest ally, Asuma.

Oddly enough, Asuma had volunteered, ('Blackmailed.' Raido guessed from the way Kakashi had smirked triumphantly with a grudging Asuma following from behind.) to help Kakashi court back Iruka. Asuma had explained that he had some experience with dealing with a PMS-ing and reluctant-to-give-any Kurenai.

And thus, sealed Asuma's henchman-ship in their plott- eh hem; plan to get Kakashi forgiven for his crime that had denied him 10 weeks of getting any.

Asuma grunted nonchalantly, inhaling his sweet cigarette. "Don't think it's gonna work."

"I think it's good!" Kakashi said, nodding his head frantically, head poked out of the tree and searching for a certain brunette. _Iruka, Iruka, Iruka…_

Raido rolled his eyes. "'Ruka's not gonna show for another 15 minutes, Hatake." He wouldn't be surprised if the lovesick jounin was chanting the chuunin's name in his small, idiot head.

"Still! Underneath the underneath! He might show early!" Kakashi raved. "At first I thought Iru-kun only took walks for ten minutes by the park one summer! But he was actually swimming, for ten minutes in the park!" A pause. "_Naked!_" A suspicious red color oozed from Kakashi's face mask right below the nose.

Raido shook his head as the other jounin once again poked his head out of the tree with the excitement of a dog ready to grab a treat. He sighed. If only Iruka knew what he was doing to the poor, poor sex-deprived man.

Genma twitched his senbon and looked indignant. "What do you mean? This plan is brilliant! All we gotta do is make sure Iruka goes on that mission and then he'll be all your for the courting… and then taking!" The last part was said as a leer, and Kakashi sighed, Iruka fantasies popping into his mind. He mentally thanked Kami for giving Jiraiya the perverse-ness to write those blissful books which almost always made terrific fantasies for later use.

Asuma frowned, and this time spoke with an edge of concern and doubt. "I don't know Genma. A scroll retrieval can be pretty big, and given to a chunin to boot?"

Kakashi defended his chunin instantly. "My Iruka is a competent ninja. Don't you dare doubt his skills." The silver haired nin growled. "Besides, handling 30 pre-genin is NO piece of cake."

Raido agreed. "They may look like angels, but they're really little devils disguised as kids."

Asuma's leg dangled from the tree branch he sat on and he sighed, rubbing the back of his head tiredly. "Hmph, I still don't think this is a good idea."

"But this is the only time Kakashi and Iruka can be together alone without teaching and the gakis' ('Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto, although it was mainly Naruto' Kakashi's mind supplied,) interfering." Genma argued.

"Hai, and besides, 'Ruka's not going alone." Kakashi said, sticking his head back, and grinned wryly. "I'll be there too!" His eye curved into an inverted, 'U'.

Genma nodded and grinned. "See? It all works out!" Asuma merely grunted and smoked his heavenly tobacci.

"There goes your boy, now." Raido said suddenly, eyes trailing a brunette walking down the path with a couple of books in hand.

The expected sigh came from Kakashi again as he looked at the chunin. _Ooh! He must've just gotten back from class! And what is this! _Kakashi nearly drooled when he saw his dolphin's uniform that clung to his small and lithe frame unbuttoned enough to make a V, (he was lacking his chunin vest, Kakashi noted) which showed such amount delicious golden skin. The chunin's hair, loose from his usual ponytail reached his shoulders. Dark brown tresses delicately framed the dolphin's flushed face, and Kakashi wanted to see that flush spread further down. _So sexy! _

"Get a hold of yourself, Hatake." Raido muttered lowly, although he could feel a blush creep onto is scarred cheeks. Damn that, 'Umino-aura-of-Fuckability'. The immunity he built over the year crumbled whenever he saw those damned doe eyes. From the corners of his eyes, Genma was fighting a bloody nose and Asuma chewed on his cigarette like chewing gum.

_I wanna get in his pants! _Inner Kakashi cried.

Despite the wail from Inner Kakashi, Kakashi got ready to initiate the plan, when suddenly a shrill yell made him twitch and groan in annoyance and dismay.

"IRUKA-SENSEIIIIIIIII!" An orange clad yellow ball collided into the tired dolphin and latched onto his waist, nearly sending the man to the ground.

Iruka stopped himself from falling face first and blinked at the grinning face of his former student. "Naruto-kun?"

The said former student grinned widely and unlatched himself from his sensei. "Hi, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto scowled, but grinned when Iruka ruffled his hair.

"So how was training?" Iruka asked conversationally as he bent down to pick up the books on the ground.

Naruto did the same and grabbed a few books. "Oh, it was good. I beat Sasuke-teme today!" He announced proudly.

Kakashi deflated when his view of Iruka's ass was gone when the man stood up. _Tch, yeah, you did, after the seven rounds where he beat YO- hey! Iruka's ass! _

Iruka smiled at Naruto's proud grin. "Really? That's great! You're growing stronger everyday, Naruto-kun!"

Naruto beamed at the praise. "Yep, training was good! But Kakashi-sensei showed up late again! FOUR hours late too!"

Iruka grinned slightly. "I thought you'd grown use to that by now."

"Yeah, but seriously, even though he's late all the time, his excuses get worse! Like just today, he said he 'spent time with fellow jounin plotting'. Why would he be plotting anyways?"

The brunette's eyes became slightly wary at this piece of news. "'Plotting?'"

Naruto nodded. "Mm hm!" The blonde suddenly gave puppy dog eyes to the academy teacher. "I want ramen sensei! Please!"

Iruka blinked, incredulous. "But, Naruto-kun, we just went yesterday!"

"But, I'm hungry Iruka-sensei!" Naruto's bottom lip trembled. "FEED ME, IRUKA-NIISAN!" He whined.

Iruka's lips twitched, before he chuckled and ruffled the kid's hair again. The boy was so lovable. It was a shame that the villagers couldn't see that, although, he had noticed that some of them had changed their behavior over the years. "Okay, okay. Jeez, Naruto, one day, your going to get me broke."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head and grinned sheepishly, before they walked away towards Ichiraku.

"Stop glaring at the kid, Kakashi, we don't really need to initiate the plan until tomorrow." Genma said, patting the jounin's shoulder.

Kakashi glared at Naruto's retreating form before sighing. "I miss Iruka loving though…"

Asuma shook his head. _Why the hell am I here again? _

Then, Genma's eyes lit as if a light bulb had lit right above his head, and his lips curled into a smirk. "I know…"

"What?" Raido asked.

"We can get help from Tsunade-sama!"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "From that old hag? Why would she want to help us?"

"Hokage-sama, huh?" Asuma mumbled, considering. "Hm… that could actually work."

"Again, why would she want to help?" Kakashi pushed.

Genma smirked. "Well, me, unlike you guys, have discovered a secret of our dear Hokage."

Raido raised an eyebrow and with growing interest. He saw Asuma and Kakashi lean their head in. "Oh?"

The senbon sucking jounin twirled his senbon in his mouth. "Mm hm. You see, a few days ago, one of the mission desk nins gave me a pile of papers for the Hokage to sign." Genma paused for effect. "And so when I went in, her office was empty. So, I dropped them onto the desk for her, but what caught my eyes was more than just documents peeking out of her desk!"

"Dude, you can get in trouble for that." Raido mumbled.

Genma shrugged. "What she doesn't know can't hurt me." He waved a hand. "Anyways, I was curious what they were 'cuz they didn't look like any reports. So, I kinda observed-"

"Oh, you snooped." Kakashi understood with an appraising nod.

"You make it sound so wrong." Genma clucked. He entirely missed the look from Raido and continued on with the story. "So, I _observed_, and guess what those hidden reports really were."

"What?" The enraptured audience asked.

"Doujinshi."

"…What?"

"Doujinshi." Genma repeated with a smirk. "Pure man on man hardcore doujinshi."

"My god…" Raido gasped out breathlessly with a look of pure amazement and surprise.

Asuma's cigarette had fallen out of his mouth.

Kakashi's eye went wide.

"Isn't this great, guys!? The Hokage's a pervert!" Genma announced giddily with a face splitting grin. "She's one of us!"

* * *

"Ne, ne, Iruka-sensei. Thanks for the ramen." Naruto said happily, patting his full stomach. 

"No problem."

Naruto glanced at his sensei from the corner of his eyes as they walked along the path to their homes. (They both lived the same direction.)

"Having problems with Kakashi-sensei, nii-san?"

Iruka jumped at the question. "What? What makes you say that?"

"Well, there was that air of depression around him all week and there was that dolphin drawing with its pe-"

"Yes! Yes, there is trouble!" Iruka stuttered out, with a heavy blush. He did NOT want his son/brother to finish that sentence.

"Oh, so what did he do?"

Iruka looked away and mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that? C'mon Iruka-nii, just spill."

The brunette sighed. "Well, it's confusing." Iruka whispered something in Naruto's ears.

Naruto blinked at the information, before he grinned perversely. "Really? He did that?"

Iruka's face flamed and he whapped the blonde's head.

"Agh! What was that for?!" Naruto yelped, as he rubbed his head.

"When did you become such a pervert!" Iruka yelled. As the academy sensei continued to rant about lost innocence and idiot perverts, Naruto was connecting the dots.

…_Okay, so if Kakashi did that, then Iruka-nii would have probably punished him… so that would probably be… _

"Hey Iruka-niisan? How long you got him on the couch?"

Iruka sniffed, and looked at the blonde. "Huh? Oh, I've got him there for ten more weeks. Wait… how do you know I've got him on the couch?" He noticed the blonde get blank and grinned in revelation. "…Ah, so _he's_ gotten the punishment too, huh?"

The fifteen year old gave a toothy grin and crossed his arms behind his head. "He deserved it, and, well, watching Sasuke-teme squirm is fun."

Iruka just chuckled, but couldn't help the nagging feeling that his own lover was up to something…

* * *

Back in the tree, Asuma, Genma and Raido wisely stayed away from the Copy Nin whom was rubbing his hands together, chuckling evilly. 

_Yes… Everything will go according to plan… fufufu…_

* * *

Tbc. 


End file.
